When Nole and I were engaged we talked about how many kids we would have. I am my mom’s only child (I have 3 half siblings that I didn’t spend time much with until I was an adult) and Nole has one brother.

We didn’t want an only child (too lonely) and we didn’t want 5 or more (too expensive) so we decided it would something in between. I was leaning towards more rather than fewer because I was worried about spoiling. To me, spoiling wasn’t only about how much money you can spend on a child but about attention as well. Too much focus on one or even two kids could make them too dependant or entitled as adults especially if you are like me and have controlling tendencies.

Flash forward to today. I am working full-time, we are homeschooling, and we have 4 kids who are ages 4-12. I don’t have time to hands-on help with every project they want to do. This is a good thing because I micromanage. Want to build a box fort? I’ll help by telling you how to do the windows and “Actually, hand me the knife and I’ll cut them myself”. Even though the kids don’t mind when I do help, it’s good for them to try and fail because we learn from our failures. Life is full of disappointments, failures, and loss (and of course lots of surprises, successes, and happy times). Isn’t it better to face small and medium challenges as a child than to have to face the world as an adult, never having to struggle and problem solve as an adult? For this reason, I let my kids bake a cake alone (see above) with “practically no egg shells!”. He did everything (including clean-up) except for taking it from the oven (his choice, he’s not ready yet).

“I cracked three eggs and there are practically no egg shells!”

The final benefit, which for us ties into why we unschool, is that they get to take all the credit for their learning. No one taught him how to do it. He watched and helped when he was younger, he watched people make cakes on YouTube, and he followed the directions on the box asking questions if he didn’t understand something. If he added too much water then he has to take credit for his failure but he also can take credit for his success. Both are valuable.

In the end, this ties into why we are able to take a trip to Europe with 4 young kids. Some of the time I will be there without Nole. I have four kids who are each independent to the best of their ability. They find their own entertainment. They talk with adults. They have interesting hobbies that they chose and are passionate about. They’re flexible and enjoy challenges. I have no doubts at all about taking them on this trip.